Written By Mary Klumpp
2012-2013 MOAA Currently Serving Military Spouse Advisory Council
A military spouse finds strength in the communities’ differences, because she is bound by something stronger – love of country, and an unbreakable network.
Two weeks ago, I sat in a conference room with a group of strangers at the beginning of a week long event. Our only connection was the military. Each of our spouses has devoted their lives to serving our nation. We were all “military spouses.” Other than that, our lives, interests, and backgrounds were as varied as any other random selection of the US population.
This particular group represented: professionals with long-term careers, stay at home parents, recently separated military members, new and experienced “empty nesters” and marriages ranging from five to nearly 30 years. There was a former Soviet citizen and doctor…she had become a US citizen as an adult.
As we went around the room introducing ourselves, it was clear that we are hardly the same. In fact, our differences appeared staggering at the outset. Honestly, how could we ever find common ground? Our politics, religion and even daily lives were at odds, and we each individually handled challenges and life choices differently. But then, somehow, united by the bond of our spouses’ common call to service, we found little connections in seemingly insignificant similarities.
We found them, at first painstakingly, but we pressed forward, built on them and pieced them together. I’m proud that by the end of the week we had a bond of friendship and a lesson on how strength is often found in the aggregate.
Our everyday network
You’re probably a military spouse, nodding your head as you read this, because my week with “strangers” was really a microcosm of a familiar routine. Most of us get really good at finding and nurturing connections within a very diverse crowd. It’s a reality we face daily, and it is never so apparent as it is every single time we move. Especially those of us who move frequently.
For every family who moves every 12 to 18 months, there are others who don’t and haven’t, and won’t. Even if you’re not moving frequently, you’re still experiencing a constantly rotating stream of new connections to unearth because of the nature of your spouse’s work. If we tried to define “military spouses” would leave someone out.
“I guess I’m not really a military spouse because I ______.”
You can fill in the blank with any of the more common stereotypical profiles: I am not a woman, I don’t move around, I don’t go to spouse social events, I don’t live on a military base. And, in the near future (and maybe in some cases already), our groups will incorporate those united in civil unions as same sex couples. We can always count on diversity.
But what ties us together, besides the ability to thrive in diverse crowds, is meeting the odd challenges we share, by virtue of who we chose to marry. And, what makes that common bond so unique is that, for our spouse, what he or she does is rarely just a job, or even a career. It is a central part of their whole spirit, and often a characteristic we were drawn to from the very beginning of our relationships with them.
Loving someone who serves
We each love someone who embraces the ideal of “Duty, Honor, Country,” and chooses to make personal sacrifices in an effort to live by their values. As a consequence, as their spouse, we also make many of those sacrifices. Part of that ideal, we shouldn’t forget, is Freedom, and you cannot separate Freedom from an outcome of diversity, no matter how hard you may try.
At the start of my week in that conference room, it was clear that we were truly a diverse group. But by the end of the week, we had learned about all the little things we had in common, and those we didn’t. And, I think we each left with a great deal of respect for each other, and a knowledge that we were so much more than just a group of people who loved a person with a penchant to serve. We are each, alone, very different. But, what most often makes us unique is the harmony we create in military communities by the act of finding and making connections despite our differences.
Our ability to bond helps us get through the moves and deployments, the ups and the downs. And while some days are unbelievably difficult, each day I spend as a military spouse makes me a bit better person…and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
All opinions expressed are the writer’s own.